Tips For Improving Sexual Communication
Note: This article is written by Natasha Watson of Sexcoachnow, you can read Natasha profile here.
Ask any couple that’s been together for a significant length of time what their secret is and they will tell you, COMMUNICATION. Communication is the key to relationship success in general, but it becomes even more essential in sexual relationships. To master sexual communication, one must be able to:
- Be honest
- Read non-verbal cues
- Say what they like
- Be realistic
- Give and receive feedback
Honesty is the first step in effective sexual communication. Oftentimes, we are too embarrassed to ask for what we want. We fear rejection or worry what our partner might think about us. And even more so, we fear hurting our partner’s feelings. The fact is your partner is probably feeling all the same things. There are a few ways to initiate sexual communication with your partner. An ideal time to begin the conversation is during lovemaking. Incorporating sexual communication into sex play can make the experience more intimate. Ask your partner questions that require them to respond while in the act. For example:
- “Do you like when I touch your breasts?”
- “Would you like it if I put my tongue on your penis”
- “Do you like it when I kiss you here?”
- “Should I suck harder…softer?
Communicating in this way will enable you to figure out your partner’s sexual needs, likes and dislikes. I would also recommend that you reciprocate by verbalizing what you like during the act. Say things like:
- “I love it when you bite my neck like that.”
- “Baby, can you suck a little harder…softer?”
- “It feels so good when you run your tongue across my nipples.”
- “I love kissing you.”
This way, your partner learns what turns you on as well. However, communicating with your partner outside of the bedroom is just as important. During private moments such as when the two of you relaxing at home or eating dinner, ask your partner if there is anything they would like to try sexually. Ask them if they enjoy certain sex acts that you two engage in. Ask if they would like to experience more or less of anything. Express answers to the same questions from your perspective. Before you know it, a worthwhile dialogue will begin.
Non-Verbal cues are just as important as actually speaking. Body language, moaning and groaning send strong messages to your partner about what you enjoy. It is important not to pretend to be enjoying something that you are not, just to please your partner. If you writhe in pseudo-ecstasy every time your partner squeezes your nipples (but secretly hate it) your partner will continue to do this. If you fake an orgasm each time your partner runs their tongue across you clitoris (but you wish they wouldn’t do that) your partner will think that move is their “ace in the hole” and continue that behavior. After all, your non-verbal communication has taught them that this pleases you.
Instead, try redirecting you partner using your body and hands. If your partner is kissing you in a spot that you don’t like gently redirect them using your hands as a guide. When your partner does something you really like. Let it show! Arch your back, give a moan, and say YES, YES, YES. This positive feedback will reinforce to your partner that you like what they are doing. They will feel happy that they are pleasing you and you will feel satisfied that you are being pleased.
When embarking on the new journey toward sexual communication, be realistic. Do not expect that things will be perfect from the start. Sexual communication is a technique that must be learned and practiced. As your comfort level grows, so too will your ability to sexually communicate.
A shoutout to the readers:
First time you talk dirty you will probabyl feel it’s uncomfortable.
A new habit, which crosses your comfort zone will always feel uncomfortable, so there is nothing wrong, it’s naturally to feel this feeling.
Do yourself that favor to keep talking dirty, eventually it will become natural to you and your partner will be you forever grateful, because the mind is the biggest erogenous zone and there is no better way to stimulate it than talking dirty.
Have fun
uhh, that article hit me spot on..
I make a few of those mistakes, I’m afriad.
I havn’t been totally honest with my husband of what I like and do not like. I have to speak my mind from now on.
Thank you for this good article Natasha. I hope that our sexlife can develop now. I’m sad to say that it havn’t be so good the latest years.
How can I say it easy to him, so he not will be offended?
Great article very informational and also very true. keep up the good work.
Thanks for the comments Anita and Eric.
Well Anita (and I’m no relationship coach, but I have experience
), it sounds like it has been going on for some while. You probably want to take it slow, don’t overwhelm him with a lot of correction all at once.
It’s all about how you deliver your feedback, think about how you will present the new ideas for your husband before saying it.
Example:
You can prepare a bath with your husbond and then share your likes as a foreplay game.
Or
write a list down about your likes and then give it to your husbond (He do the exact same thing as well) Then the game is to surprise each other with one of the likes for instance once in a week.
So if one of your likes is a sensual message, he will surprise you one day in the week, when your coming home from a long day.
Inspiration to your list:
Favorite positions
How you like to get licked
Where you want to try having sex
etc.
Best of luck Anita..
This is a very nice article and informative. How often can I look forward to reading your articles?
Hey
great Article. I recognize most of the things, as I am already doing them with my partner.
Anita.
Relationships get stuck at some point because we get into habits and they are hard to break, but something can be done.
First of all, yo have to introduce some spontaneity into your relationship. Start yourself by breaking simple habits, like driving a different way home from work, start thinking differently.
Then start to touch each other more, just some innocent strokes during the day, touching re-establish some lost intimacy.
A relationship is something that is supposed to be fun, not something hard and boring.
Whisper sweet things in the ear of your husband. If the relationship has been “stuck” for a long time then it could be hard to get it going again. But keep trying. Find those feelings from the beginning of the relationship. find out why it is that you really love your husband or boyfriend?
And most important, if you have changed too many things about him, unconsciously, try to make him reclaim himself as a man. I am not saying this is the problem.
It is a problem in many relationships that the woman takes control and starts taking over a lot of things. this makes it difficult for the couple to keep the sexual tension.
But experiment. Love is always there, but it is a subtle thing and it is hidden right underneath the surface.
Good Luck
Jamal: Natasha will deliver an article once a month, around the 20th in the month.
Great advice Lasse, there is definite some points I will remember and use as well
Thanks for your advices nicolai and lasse, it have been so helpful.
I will definitely try it out. I sure it will help my relationship to my husbond.
I will calm and easy begin being more spontaneus..
Thanks for great articles and a great website.
THIS IS VERY GOOD ADVICE, NATASHA. THANX
That was a good read.
I would say the most important one is to just flat out say what you want and expect. Make it a point to discuss it to refresh it your partners mind, or even to tell them something new that you may have discovered. Different times, different moods. What made you satisfied last week, may not do it this week. Explain, explain, explain.