7 Steps To Efficient Approaching
Summary -In this blog post Anders breaks down how a successful approach is done. It’s more theoretical than his latest articles and will give you a clear picture of how it’s done. It’s really interesting, because Anders explain how a good seducer is aware of the small gestures there is going on during the seduction from the start line to the finish line. You can find products from Anders at his website Powerful Attractions, and you can read more about him here.
How would you like to know the 7 steps to efficient approaches?
Once you master these steps to the tee, you will be able to approach anyone, anywhere. Breaking it down took some work, as the whole process typically takes no more than 15 seconds! Within those 15 seconds, there are a few things you need to be consciously aware of:
1. Identify your group
2. Identify the initial ”target girl” in the group
3. Assess the group dynamics
4. Identify logistical possibilities
5. Approach based on best logistical possibility
6. Deliver your opener
7. Lock-in with the group
1. Identify your group
Let’s say you see a group of two cute girls, and you decide to approach them.
2. Identify your target
For the sake of this example I’ll assume that you like blondes, and it just so happens that there is one brunette and one blonde.
3. Assess the group dynamics
You are now going to decide which girl to talk with after you open the group. The rule of thumb is to handle potential challenges as quickly as possible before investing time in the blonde. This way the “obstacles,” I.E. friend of the blonde, other guys in the group and persons entering the group once you are in it, will lose their potential blowout force.
If there are other guys in the group when you open it, and you decide not to “handle” them quickly, you will find yourself in a situation where you are competing for the attention of the group later on.
If you pay too much attention to the blonde compared to that of her friends, the friends will soon try to sabotage you by blocking you out or otherwise give you a rough time verbally.
Like with other guys present, if someone else opens the group after you did, you will also be competing with them for the attention of the group – Unless they are there through your initiative and invitation: You invited them, so you own the frame of interaction.
In our example, the blonde is sitting very close to the brunette. The brunette is randomly chatting with some other guy. We can now conclude that the brunette and the other guy are obstacles that you need to deal with to achieve a higher probability of success in getting anywhere with the blonde.
4. Identify logistical possibilities
The other guy is standing up while talking with the brunette and the blonde is listening in. You spot no immediate possibilities to sit down but, 6 seats down the way you notice an empty chair.
5. Approach based on best logistical possibility
Your options are always to go and stand with the group while talking to them, or to sit in their group and talk with them. To simply walk up to the group and open, whilst standing at the edge of the group is one of the most common choices out there. It is also one of the worst choices available in terms of achieving the single most important external measurement criteria when opening groups: Lock-in (see # 7).
There are many ways to open with high impact; you could walk up to the group and daringly ask for the hand of one of the girls only to take her seat… Invite her to sit on your lap if she protests afterwards.
Another possibility, if you feel like engaging in a less controversial style, is to get the empty chair and bring it with you to the group. To me this method is the single most casual and sub-communicating approach –However we choose to look at it, bringing your own chair with you to a group of strangers, underlines that you are determined to stay there!
6. Open the group
Observe the group in general or certain members of the group as you approach. Your goal is to gather information about their moods, any of their clothes or “bling” that strike you as interesting, if they radiate any sort of signals that attract you, or something going on in their immediate vicinity. What is the energy level, and how do you alter your body language to match theirs? With every step towards the group, proactively seek eye contact with any of its members, especially the person you decided to engage immediately after your initial opener.
Reviewing step 3 in combination with the group dynamics of this virtual group, you engage the guy or the female friend first – OR, simply engage the entire group at once.
Here are some random examples of neutral openers that also serve as additional information gatherers.
“Hi guys! You look like you’re having a great day. What’s going on?”
“Where’s your fourth? You lot look like people that are here to experience something exciting.”
“You look cute together. How do you know each other?”
7. Lock-in
The group will offer you attention now. Most likely they will all take a glance at you and sum you up in a heartbeat. This part is tricky for many guys – some feel it’s awkward, and in many cases like the one above you may experience an attempt to freeze you out of the group, before you even made it in!
Here’s my advice: KEEP STANDING STILL with your mouth closed until someone responds, they will always respond eventually. If you experience total backturns, re-assess the dynamics, and open again! All you need is a response! Social pressure, … or curiosity towards your intentions will drive that response. Eventually, one of them will crack and ask you what you are doing, which, … no matter the tone, … is a GREAT thing.
The instant someone reacts to your opener, sit down on your chair and follow through. If their response was driven from negativity, simply ignore it and plow your way through by maintaining your initial conversation thread. If it is a positive response, use the content of the response to open a subject change and take it from there.
Where do you sit? The simple reply is: As centrally seated as possible. You do not want to be in the outer ring of the group, let the other guy have that position. Simply gesture to one of the girls to move slightly apart (again, once you get the timing down and do this immediately after their first response, they will comply). After you have seated yourself, or while doing so – up to you – initiate a one to one thread with the female friend, and casually involve the other two from time to time.
8. Game On
Eventually the other guy will run dry, or you will effectively draw in the attention of the girl you are not talking to. Again, make sure to involve everyone in your topics now and then, as this enables you to actively direct THEIR conversation threads and for you to switch conversational partners later on. This principle (multi-threading) will be described in more detail in one of the next blog articles.
Note: Actually, Anders have made a video about this topic as well, it`s located at his blog and it`s definitely worth viewing. If you want to stay tuned with new articles on Happiness Cafe, you can sign up for my newsletter or the RSS feed. You find the newsletter sign up in the upper right side bar and the RSS feed in the upper right side of the website.
wow, 15 seconds to all that…..
Even though I’m a lady in the mid-30’s (I refuse to be specific:)). I find this interesting.
Thanks for an interesting article.
Hey Anita.
It’s okay, I just have to live without knowing
I’m glad that you liked it.
It’s amazing that just by applying these simple steps one can increase the chances for success radically.
It’s just the same as taking control of your life by setting goals (I’m just throwing an example out in the air), as soon as you have a good game plan, it all becomes that much easier.
Thanks for the comment Anita, take care.